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knowing whom to marry

Knowing whom to marry should not be stressful as some Christians assume. Since God wanted us to marry, he would always lead his children on the way to go. Getting your marriage right begins by marrying according to the will of God.

Understanding this fact will not only reduce the pressure and anxiety in young people seeking the face of God in marriage but also guarantee a happy home.

I this post, I will highlight some wrong conception about knowing the will of God in marriage. This will put to rest ignorance that has kept some young people waiting endlessly for who to marry.
Going through these 6 checklists for knowing whom to marry will not only help you enjoy your marriage but help you achieve God’s purpose for your life?

What is the will of God for your marriage?

There is a simple answer to the will of God for you about marriage. One, God desire you get married, but it is not mandatory if you choose otherwise. Jesus said, there are three sets of people who will not marry. This scripture explains that Matthew 19:12. However, God wants you to be happily married. Indeed, your marriage could be a model for others to follow.

For his children, God wanted them to marry a child of God like them. But if you marry otherwise, it will make the devil your in-law and God cannot come to your aids when there are challenges. So settle this matter in your mind that pressure would not make you consider marrying an unbeliever.
Though you may cite a few of such unholy unions that succeed, ask the majority that is involved and they will tell you they are living in hell on earth. Therefore, wait on God, and your marital journey will be blissful.

Also, read this: Key truths about marriage matchmaking.

Wrong notions about the will of God in marriage.

I grew up with the belief God has a specific person you must marry. It implies that once you miss that person, you will not get the right person again. This mentality and teaching are unfounded. The problem with this belief is someone will take you for a ride believing you must stay in the relationship that is not working.

Experience has shown there is an Elisha to every Elijah and a David to every Saul. Once you are in the will of God, he will find you a replacement for any disappointment you may have from any brother or sister.
The truth is a child of God should marry a child of God. If for any reason, someone disappointed you God has many other replacements.

How to know whom to marry.

1. Involve God. More than anything, you needed God’s direction in choosing your life partner. Nonetheless, you cannot know God’s direction in marriage if you do not know his direction on other matters. Therefore, be familiar with the voice of God and the way he relates to you.

You can achieve this through intimate fellowship with him. Getting the mind of God to require times of prayers, studying the word of God, and meditation. I must quickly add this, praying to God only when you needed his direction in marriage will not get you the required result. This will mean you will be praying in desperation. But if you are used to talking to God before, it will be easier factoring your marital issue in the equation.

Apart from dreams, which are possible to manipulate, there are other ways of knowing the person to marry. Even when you have a dream, you must confirm it through prayers and other checks I will list in this post. Other areas of knowing the mind of God for your marriage include prompting of the Holy Spirit, meditation, observation, spiritual leaders, friends, colleagues, and family. In all, you must verify the choice.

2. Your personal view first. Since you are the one who wanted to get married, your worldview about marriage takes precedent. It is your life and future. So you must determine what you want in and from your marriage.

For instance, I set out to have a marriage without a third party involved in our conflict. Besides that, I wanted a union that is better than my parents are. Today, I will call my wife twice on the average daily to keep my intimacy with her. As simple as that, it is cementing my marriage. So you determine the type of marriage you want, and this, in turn, dictates the qualities you will look for in the person you will marry.


Also, read this: 5 Godly marriage principles every youth should know.

3. Respect for your personality. The worse that can happen to anyone is marrying someone who has no regard for him or her. Marriage is about mutual understanding and respect. Therefore, you should choose a person who respects your personality and flaws.

Does the person celebrate your success and encourage you when you did not do well? Do the word I appear more in his statement than we. When planning for his future, are you in the equation? You will have a happy home if your would-be spouse believes and accepts you for whom you are.

4. You should have a common faith. As I said earlier, there is no compromising on the issue of faith. Though the issue of the denomination may be an option, experience has shown working out doctrinal differences between couples from the same denomination marriage is easier than those of different denominations.

Nevertheless, this is not a genuine reason to jettison a good relationship. You can ignore the issue of the denomination once you are sure of the person’s salvation with the fruit of the spirit to confirm. I should however not make this an open-ended issue as not all acclaimed Christian denominations teach or live by the standard of God’s word.

5. Maturity matters. I think it will be great to talk about this in detail in the next post. You are in a serious dilemma is you are dating a toddler or an immature person. Get this straight; marriage is for men and not boys. Thus, marriage is for physically, emotionally, financially, physiological, spiritually, and financially mature people.

Since marriage requires problem-solving capacity, only the mature can handle that. This is germane in marriage because challenges will come. So you have a lot up to your sleeve if you belong to a church where they tell you marriage is for good and better only.
Ask those who are successful in marriage and they will tell you it takes a lot to maintain a marriage. That is, marriage comes with its challenges.

Also, read this: Why religion matters in marriage
6. Compatibility is important. This portion is sensitive because it could cause a further delay in getting married if you do not handle it maturely. While compatibility is essential in choosing whom to marry, laying so much emphasis on it will turn you into a perfectionist.

I will mention a few areas of compatibility you must consider to know who to marry, but I will discuss that later in detail. These are the key area of compatibility in marriage: spiritual, emotional, ideological, and physical compatibility. Spiritually, you must be compatible. That was why I said religion matters in marriage.

Since you involve God in your affair, you must have a similar religious affliction to the same God. Emotionally, you must feel comfortable hanging around a person for him or her to be a choice for marriage. This is the law of attraction that must also play out when searching for whom to marry. Though some may look away from this because beauty is in the earth yet, you cannot ignore it. However, our preferences differ.

What makes a person attractive to you may be different from mine. Therefore, the person you will choose or accept as your spouse must be someone you can go out without feeling ashamed. By your taste, he or she must be attractive enough for you to introduce to your friends and family.

Besides those I have mentioned, ideological compatibility is crucial to choosing who to marry. Your ideology is your principles and worldview about life and eternity. This is your unique personality. Perhaps nothing kills self-image and vision than marrying a person who has a different vision opposite your own.

Part of the ideological principles includes what you wish to achieve in life and how you plan to go about it. It may be in the area of education, ministry, career, or health. Therefore, the right person to marry must have a core value system that is not at variance with your own.

Before you ask for the will of God in marriage, what is your relationship with that God? Apart from that, are you mature and ready for that phase of life? If yes, following the listed ways of knowing whom to marry will be easy.

Do not hesitate to send your questions on the topic. Add your voice in the comment box below. There is love in sharing, so share this post on your social platforms and like my Facebook page.


I am joseph Akinrinola. A pastor, teacher, author, freelance, and incurable learner. I share as I learn insightful ideas that make up a total being physically, spiritually, and emotionally especially, about young people.

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